


here not there

by sunsaints



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, it kinda follows the canon timeline but not really, seiner walked so rokuner could run, this is what happened behind the scenes nomura told me himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 09:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsaints/pseuds/sunsaints
Summary: Seifer's face is completely blank, "You…met someone else?"Hayner, who missed Seifer's initial reaction, shook his head and dug the stick further into the miniature hill, only satisfied when the pile of dirt caved inwards, "No. Of course not. I'm waiting for…Someone I haven’t met yet."





	here not there

  **★** ・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

**& here is where my whole world turns**

**& here is where my heart returns**

**& here is where I've sworn and cursed**

**& here is where I kissed you first**

  **★** ・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

 

" _Here_ , where the river thins out, where your shitty old bike rests, meet me  _here_."

"Why  _here_? Why this specific spot? Why not," Left thumb aimed and locked on the little shed wrapped in green ivy, Hayner signaled out the oddly built structure, "There?  We always meet there."

"Cause I said so." Seifer huffed, "Meet me  _here_."

Hayner opened his mouth, wide, impossibly wide, all teeth and gums out like a lion ready to snap his dinner's neck in half.

Seifer pressed a finger to Hayner's nose— Quickly, he cuts Hayner's upcoming objection to shreds, "Yes,  _here_ , it  **has**  to be this exact spot.  See my footprints?" The strings on the collar of his hoodie jump in the air once Seifer hopped a step back and brushed the tip of his boot against the fresh dents in the soil,  "You have to stand where I stood, got it?"

"And if I don't?" Hayner challenged with a smug smirk.

Seifer refused to play along, "You have to."

"Says who?"

"You  _ **just**_  heard me say it. Stop being an idiot."

"If anyone is stupid here, it's you. By tomorrow, those footprints will be long gone." Rough fingertips press down on sore muscles, on instinct, Hayner rolled his shoulder, a bitter chuckle followed after, "I guess, you'll be gone too,  huh? Kinda fits in a sad, sad way."

"I'll come back."

"Will you?"

A soft whistle pushed through clenched teeth and past the tiniest of grins, "That's the plan."

Heavens set on fire, the sun in his eyes, Hayner returned the gesture:  Except his smile wavered and cracked and dissolved into an upside down streak of scribbles (messy lines and loops,  the kind crayon twirling kindergartners drill to the top of school desks) the second Seifer Almasy bumped a fist against his chest and disappeared into the sunset.

Quite often, Hayner returns.

The footprints are gone.

His shitty old bike remains intact.

Hayner waits...For what?

He doesn't have a clue, still, he waits.

 ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★ 

_Here…_

Where the roofs pile above his head, where they dip like melted candle wax and overlap one another,  _Here…_

Hands lost in the depths of his pockets, Hayner wondered the twists and turns of hidden alleyways.

See, his downfall cracks its spine and lazily pops its tired limbs, his downfall takes its sweet, sweet time coming and when it finally arrives, it slaps him across the face without a warning.

It's not instantaneous.

It's slow, so very slow.

The first three months are lived in denial.

Well, why doesn't Seifer return his calls? Why won't Seifer text him back? Is there a reason why all his social media accounts are inactive?

When he shoved his phone in Olette's face, she frowned and sighed, "He's busy." A pause mixed with a sympathetic smile, "Didn't he say this quest of his would take up most of his time? Who knows where he is or what he's up against!? For all we know, he could be stranded in a jungle."

From the other side of the room, Pence yawned and butt in, "Maybe he's dead."

"Pence!" Olette scolded through clenched teeth.

Her touch? Delicate, gentle, as if Hayner were made of glass and Hayner? Oh, he barked out a crude laugh.

He's made of metal, he's made of swords, spears, shields, dragon fire and whatever other heroic bullshit found deep within fairy-tales. No way will he sit here and cry over spilled milk! No fucking way! He's much too proud, much too angry for any sort of remorse.

"Unfortunately, he's not dead."

Pence choked, "U-unfortunately? Come on man, you don't mean that."

With a shrug, Hayner ignored Olette's concerned expression and the way Pence clicked his tongue in distaste, "It's a joke. It's supposed to be funny! Geez, calm down."

Three months morph into six.

Suddenly, it's not as funny.

Disappointment manifests itself in an armor of thorns and broken glass, Anger gallops in with a helmet made of gold and rubies: What once was a "joke" turned to ash in the depths of his mouth. Now it's stuck in the gaps of his teeth and the foul taste of earth clings to the flesh of his cheeks.

Because the wooden light post (the third one to the left from Hayner's house)  has Seifer Almasy's stupid, stupid initials carved into it.

Every time Hayner walks past it he suffocates, his lungs give no mercy and each breath is a painful drum against his throat.

Through his eyelashes, he can see Seifer's silhouette as he  _spins and spins and spins_  his precious (one of a kind, he claimed!) butterfly knife between his long fingers.

"My town! It's my town, got it?"

Hayner snorted, "No one is trying to take it away from you, you big dummy."

"Oh yeah?" Seifer dug the sharp end of the knife into the light post and pressed against it, "What about the weird creatures terrorizing the town?"

"Sora takes care of that shit. There's nothing we can do about it when our weapons do no damage."

"Doesn't it tick you off!?" With a growl, Seifer finished off a perfectly shaped  _'S'_  and once more, pierced through the wood, already focused on the second letter, "The jerk is gone for months! He doesn't care about the people stuck living here! But I don't need his help, I can handle it on my own."

A light wave of laughter pushed past Hayner's lips, "You're unbelievable," From foot to foot, he shifted his weight and faintly sighed, "I understand. I hate running away from those little shits but I don't have a fucking choice when my bat won't make a difference."

"What does he call his sword?"

"It's not a sword you idiot, it's a  _keyblade_."

Seifer rolled his eyes, "Whatever. Point is, we need to get our hands on it."

Again, Hayner snorted, "Yeah right! He'll wipe the floor with you before you even lay eyes on it. Besides, from what I've seen, only Sora can summon it."

"Bullshit. I bet there's other ways to fight." With a flick of his wrist, Seifer folds the wings of the knife inwards and drops the dangerous weapon into the safety of his pocket, "I'm sick of standing around while this punk protects what's mine."

"Nobody asked you to look after Twilight Town, you did that all on your own weirdo."

"I'm not talking about the Town."

Hayner raised an eyebrow, "Scared the Dusks will steal your beanies?"

"Whose to stop them? Can't exactly bash their heads in, so they're free to do as they god dam please."

Another witty insult sits on the tip of his tongue, but it falls apart the moment he looked down at the freshly cut letters.

 **S.A.** **&  ** **H.A.**

He blinked, "Uh...Those are my initials...Why did you add them next to yours?"

The pitch of his voice fell flat, bored, monotone, Seifer's shoulders sluggishly jumped in the air, "Why not? Thought it would be a cool memory is all."

"Because plotting Sora's murder is a cool memory?" Hayner joked, "Thanks, I guess."

"Sure. If that's what you want to take away from it, be my guest."

A trace of an awkward smile Hayner ignored only because his heartbeat is as loud as the howl of a train against crumbling railroad tracks. Now, thinking back on it, he recalls the determined spark in Seifer's wild blue eyes, the strong and defined line of his jaw as he dropped his head to the side and aimed a single finger towards the sun:

_**There** , where the light melts and drips into the earth, **there** , in the horizon, beyond it, is where I need to go._

**There.**

Not  _Here._

And sure, Hayner had teased him, he had chuckled and tossed joke after joke in the air in an attempt to mask his own desires:

~~_Take me with you._ ~~

Maybe, if he had found his voice back then…Then, when Seifer stood with a finger locked in a heated battle with the expanding twilight sun—Maybe, maybe, just maybe, if Hayner had dropped the act and forced himself to speak of the need to stay besides his long time rival, of the need and want to grow stronger with him and through him—Maybe, just maybe,  he would be climbing mountains, saving princesses from burning towers and evil step mothers, with Seifer at his side instead of...

 _Here,_  Hayner is…

 _Here_ , not  **there**.

Digging the ends of his nails into moth infested light posts, he rips apart the wet wood.

Though his fingers ache, Hayner doesn't stop, no he doesn't pause, not until Seifer's initials are long gone and forgotten.

 ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Scattered memories blurred and blown out of proportion across the window of Seifer's blue pickup truck.

Hayner pressed his cheek against the cool glass and watched as tall, tall trees stretched into green blobs of color in an eager attempt to keep up with Seifer's reckless and fast-paced driving.

Besides him, Seifer taps his left fingers against the steering wheel while his right hand fiddles with the radio.

Static, static, all they hear is static.

It's a long drive to the city but it's the only place where they can get booze and cigarettes with a fake ID. Never would they try such a stunt in a town where everyone (and he means EVERYONE) knew their names and faces.

Seifer carried his brother's ID like armor.

Similar smile, similar eyes, similar hair and bone structure—Seifer Almasy is lucky pictures can't talk, because if they did, a still photograph would be the first to betray such a proud man. When it came down to personality, Snow is everything Seifer isn't: While the younger of the two doesn't care for his older brother, in the same breath, Snow could easily compose a list highlighting Seifer's best qualities.

Hayner has witnessed the way Seifer's left eye twitched when Snow barked a monster of a laugh and dropped an arm around his shoulder, Seifer sneered and cursed through it all.

Perhaps it's the reason why it's so easy to use Snow's identity in the name of evil… Not that Hayner really cares, Seifer's malicious actions promise free alcohol (the good kind too) and endless supply of cigarettes.

Much to Hayner's disappointment, it doesn't happen as often as he would like…Although Seifer enjoys the rebellious thrill of tossing his own flesh and blood under the bus, he doesn't take advantage of it.

Something around the lines of: _Underage drinking and smoking ain't cool idiot, don't get used to it_. Only on special occasions do the two trios get together and skip vodka bottles between one another.

Tonight  **IS**  special.

"What are you going to do? Rent out a rocket and launch yourself into space? Cause I'm pretty sure Sora travels  **OUTSIDE**  our world, y'know, like a motherfucking astronaut…Don't know how he does it…But..."

Seifer keeps his eyes on the road, expression blank _,_  "If a dumbass like him can figure it out, so can I."

"You sound ridiculous, you know that,  _right_?" From side to side, Hayner swats at empty air, "Like, whatever voodoo bullshit Sora is able to pull, you  **KNOW** it's beyond your power,  **right!?** "

"That's loser talk," Seifer tapped the tip of his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "Can't know until I try."

Frustration tugs on the corners of Hayner's lips, "The guy's party is made up of a talking dog **and**  duck!  Sora wields magic we didn't know existed  **until**  he came to town! And our world? It's a speck! Seifer!  **A speck!**  'Cause apparently, there's so much more out there!" Dramatically, Hayner throws his head back against the car seat, voice shrill and full of disbelief, "That's crazy!  What about our seas and oceans? What about all of our towns and cities? The woods and jungles!? There's shit we haven't discovered in our  **OWN**  world and you're telling me there's living, breathing human beings beyond our atmosphere!?"

Seifer's eyebrows shot upwards, a thin smile on his face, "Yeah…It's a lot to take in but that's what makes it so cool."

"You're seriously going to find a way off our planet? And…Go where exactly?"

"Don't know…I'll make it up as I go."

"I can't fucking believe you managed to convince Fuu and Rai to tag along."

"I didn't." Seifer's smile only grew wider, "I said I wanted to go and they said I wasn't going alone."

"Well," Hayner bit on the inside of his cheek, "I guess stupidity  **is**  contagious."

"Yeah and I guess I caught it from you." Seifer laughed and Hayner rolled his eyes, "Seriously, I'll find blind spots on the sun…I ain't about to sit here and believe Sora is the only one allowed to learn the secrets of the universe. Maybe it wasn't my original path but it **IS**  one I want, so guess what? It's mine now. I decide my destiny."

"You're so stupid."

Except, Hayner's chest is a hive of raging bees, the tiny insects march up and down the bones of his rib cage in excitement.  From where he's seated, Seifer looks so fucking cool, of course, he'd never say it out loud but Seifer's confidence makes Hayner's heart sing and dance like a teenage girl at her sweet fifteen.

Hayner doesn't doubt Seifer, not for a second: He'll find globes filled with life at the bottom of the ocean and he'll find cities of light in the open mouths of whales and he'll throw a rope 'round the moon and drag her  _down, down,_   _down_  and Hayner will find her  _here, here_  in the middle of an empty road.

In less than a week, Seifer will shake hands with the eye in the sky and months from now (Years?  No, for Hayner's sake, hopefully not **that** long) when he returns (if he returns) Hayner won't be the least bit surprised if Seifer Almasy walks into town with a talking dog and duck in his party.

 ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Hayner supports Seifer, no matter how complicated his plan sounds.

He wants to dip out of Twilight Town the moment their junior year comes to an end?

_Great!_

He wants to drop out of the Struggle tournament despite the hundreds upon hundreds of votes in his favor?

_Awesome!_

He wants to leave his friends and family behind and set off on a quest that may or may not blow up in his face?

**Marvelous!**

_Good luck!_

The walls are paper thin and everyone here hears every little sound, every little rumor, every little…

_ He's off on a warrior's quest! _

_ He's so coooool! _

_ He'll come back and protect us! _

**If**  he comes back, Hayner wants to shout,  **IF**  he comes back.

At first, he gets a laugh out of it: Astronaut Seifer, to infinity and beyond!

Later, when the make-believe talks of a journey Hayner wasn't partaking in become a reality, he doesn't know what to do other than the thing he'd done from the start: Laugh.

But Seifer will find blind spots on the sun.

He'll do it.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

His name is…Silence.

Silence—The silence that sneaks up on him after a nightmare, after his breathing has settled down, after his chest no longer shakes, after his sweat has sunk to the bottom of the bed and he can feel it sticking to the back of his thighs.

He’s left to stare at the ceiling as Silence settles at his side; a heavy companion on a lonely Thursday night.

Silence kisses his cheeks, his forehead and whispers in the shell of his ear sweet nothings only the wind can understand.

The nightmares come and go without a warning.

At times, he's lead to believe they're gone when he goes weeks (sometimes months) without encountering a single one.

But they taunt him, they let him rest only to consume his sleep when he least expects them to.

_ He’s so tired. _

The nightmares vary in length; some last the entire night, while others are short and straight to the point.

Other than the fear lingering behind each one, these reoccurring nightmares have one thing in common:  A boy, with wide blue eyes, blue like rivers, like star littered whirlpools, and a smile so sharp and defined (a half-lit moon of a smile) it swears it'll cut Hayner's throat to ribbons. 

Heaven must have come undone, fallen from its rusted hinges, straight into the boys open mouth.

The boy moves, and behind him there’s puddles of oil.

Pinks, blues and yellows is what his footsteps leave behind.

The room is sinking; sinking in streams of black goo, but the boy smiles even as his eye sockets leak rivers of black slime.

He smiles and Hayner can't help but smile back.

When Hayner asks for a name, the boy’s jaw falls open, and out comes the sea. The sea! Have you seen the sea?

With its piles of sand, and parties of vivid, neon fish, and the seaweed which clings to the skin, kisses his ankles, the starfish that hug his knees, a nd the jellyfish that trace the planets on his spine until it snaps, until Hayner sees the bone split down the middle and he can feel it burst past the roof of his mouth. It hurts, fuck does it hurt...

It snaps, the boy always breaks, he crumbles, into ladybugs, into freshly cut grass, into something, something Hayner has seen before.

But he can’t remember where he’s seen it.

He can’t remember…

Melted ice-cream, sunny afternoons, a clock that never hits midnight, blurred photographs— 

Hayner asked for a name, and the boy said his name is Silence.

And oh god, Hayner loves him, he loves the boy with the ocean on his tongue and the strings of seashells on his blonde, messy head.

He loves the boy with snail carcasses on his fingers— 

And oh god, he's so in love, his heart aches and fumbles and  _love, love, love..._

He loves the boy named Silence.

 ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Dear stupid Seifer,

The town has changed.

Roughly, four months after Seifer's grand departure, the folks of Twilight Town decide to close off the hole in the neighborhood wall.

Eerie to focus on at night, the heebie-jeebies made the goose bumps on their arms jump to attention. Besides how creepy the mansion looked under the moonlight, all the teens in town KNEW the real reason why the woods were suddenly off limits: Too many beer bottles, too many crushed cigarettes, too many rolled up blunts and more noticeably? The pungent stench of weed that clung to each teenager who emerged from the hole.

Still, the young will die in their misdemeanors; They find other ways around..The sewer system to be exact.

New shops opened up, one after the other, more than Hayner could count.

Olette can hardly contain her joy when clothing stores overtake the town, though frequently, she very openly laments Fuu's absence. Often the target of Olette's boredom, Pence shuffled his feet and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he lazily modeled a bright pink scarf for his friend…And Hayner? He runs before Olette can hook her fingers through his belt loops.

With nowhere to hide, Hayner wondered the busy streets, heart heavy like a rock when he found himself standing near the Sandlot's entrance.

This is where he'd come when the world was much too heavy, when his lungs burned and his head throbbed…

 _Here_  is where Seifer would aim his Struggle bat in Hayner's direction.

With a sharp smirk, Hayner would happily accept the challenge.

Anger is a swirl of overwhelming colors—The Sandlot  **SHOULD**  remain empty, the citizens of Twilight Town  **SHOULD**  seal it close an they  **SHOULD**  keep it off limits, left to rot and die with every tiny memory etched onto Seifer Almasy's name.

No longer Seifer's private sanctuary, the Sandlot is now filled to the brim with people and unorganized struggle practice.

Hayner stood around long enough to recognize a couple of faces in the crowd and though he gets waved over by a group of classmates, he gently turns down the invitation with a shake of his hand and heads in the opposite direction.

The Usual Spot is…In one word?

Comfort.

Pence, Hayner and Olette cling to the small space and spend hours upon hours shooting spit-balls in the air.  He could toss his tired body on the beat-up couch and wait for his friends to show up (they always do) but his mind is racing and his feet are eager to keep up with his fleeting thoughts.

That's how he winds up in the junkyard…Or, what used to be a junkyard. In an attempt to bring more tourist in, the enclosed room is transformed into an outdoor theater.  The charming idea soon becomes one of Twilight Town's most popular attractions: Lovebirds sit hand in hand, children stuff their cheeks full of sea-salt ice cream and carts of food line the wall.

The smell of buttery popcorn and chocolate pretzels fill the air…

What would Seifer say if he were to come home this very second and find that a talking duck runs Twilight Town's most successful restaurant? What would he think if Hayner were to tell him the main chef is a rat in an apron?

Surely, he'd spit in Hayner's face and call him a liar.

Dear stupid Seifer,

The town has changed.

The hole in the wall is gone.

The forest is now off limits and the mansion no longer attracts tourists.

There's a new truck shop I think you'd like.

The ice cream tastes different, too **salty** and not enough _sweet_.

Your crown has tarnished, I think I saw it shatter; The Sandlot is no longer under your rule.

Some petty bastard scratched your name off the Struggle scoreboard (If you ever find him, don't punch his face in, I think he was onto something.)

Sweethearts fill the junkyard, you see, it's a theater now.

From day to night, they stream nothing but old black and white cartoons.

You’d hate it.

Want to know something crazy?

I work for a talking duck.

So do Pence and Olette.

We put up posters for him and he hands over the cash.

Olette says he's generous, I say he's stingy. He could pay us better but he won't.

A new fashion trend has taken over the streets: Plaid shirts, plaid pants, plaid shorts and shoes!

Yesterday, I spotted a plaid beanie and I hid it under piles of black socks. Just in case you do come back, you'll never be able to find it.

Kids spend their days looking for lucky emblems.

There's nothing lucky about them.

I've spotted three so far, yet all my ice cream sticks remain blank.

Remember? You'd always score the ones with 'winner' on them.

I think they stopped making them.

I think they heard you ditched Twilight Town and they thought: _Hey if this fucker won’t stick around for our ice cream, what's the point? Stop all production! This Town is meaningless without Seifer fucking Almasy!_

A week ago, I drove to the city (yes I know how to drive now, fuck you) and it freaked me out how long the drive was without you here. There was no one to go on an endless rant on how the Government is screwing us over and shitting in our mouths.

Music sucks now days too...The boy in my dreams is less of a...Dream and more of a reality, but I'm sure you don't want me mentioning him, so I won't.

Twilight Town is pretty boring now.

There's no one to argue with, no one to tease, no one to challenge.

You're the only idiot who would sit through a brain freeze just to proof that, yes, you could eat more ice cream than me.

You're the only idiot who would race me to the train station and then back again.

You’re the only idiot who understands how important Struggle tournaments are and why we need to start practicing now, now, now! Not later like Pence suggested.

Not later!

And I'm the idiot who kind of, somewhat misses you. I've dissed you a lot you know? The new folks in town think you're a dipshit. Good luck defending your (now) non-existing reputation!

Rot in outer space asshole.

Insincerely, the one guy you can't fucking bother to text back, do you not know how to use a fucking phone?

Hayner.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

_Here._

In the empty Sandlot:

He kissed him twice.

Seifer's lips were soft and Seifer himself was surprisingly gentle.

And when they both break apart for air, Seifer's face was a bright, bright red.

"I've never kissed anyone before…"

Hayner's shocked whisper sounds awfully loud in the dark, "You're the school's playboy and you've NEVER kissed anyone before?"

"Shut up and kiss me again."

They were fifteen and Hayner kissed Seifer twice that night.

 ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

 

He's kissed the boy in his dreams more than once, more than twice, more than three times, more than five and six and seven times!

...He's lost count.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

It's not that Hayner dislikes Seifer.

Far from it.

Hayner likes Seifer.

He likes their rivalry, how it pushes him to improve and grow. He likes their back and forward chatter, how there's always something to talk about, be it bad or good. He likes the way Seifer spurs him on, how he encouraged him to be better through bullets in the shape of words.

Only Seifer can do that, only Seifer knows how to make him  _tick, tick, tick_  and then?

** Boom! **

Hayner beats his own record!

Hayner sprints forward with flying colors!

Only Seifer can make him laugh until he's wheezing, curled up on the floor as his head threatens to fall off his shoulders.

_ Seifer, Seifer, Seifer! _

When they plunge through endless conversation and unimportant debates! And when they can connect on subjects no one else gives a fuck about!  When Seifer makes his heart flutter and his knees shake. When he laughs and tosses his head back and looks God straight in the eye.  When he's angry, his nostrils flare and his glare? Sharp like icicles! Pity the fool whose at the end of such a dangerous look!   _And, and, and..._

Hayner really, really,  **really**  likes Seifer.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Comfort in the wide, unblinking eyes of the boy named Silence.

They're so pretty, oh so pretty, Hayner could stare into the endless blue void for hours.

He loves him...Hayner loves him.

 ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

"Your anger is unreasonable." Olette stated through a mouthful of ice cream.

Pence inhaled, brown eyes wide and shocked. Nervously, and in an attempt to pretend he wasn't in the room, he hid behind the screen of his phone.

"What?" Hayner's eyes narrowed, "What are you on about now?"

"Hayner," Olette's voice is soft yet sharp, it navigates…carefully (otherwise, the sun will explode), "All you do is drag Seifer's name through the mud. It's been nine months. Don't you think it's time to let it go?"

A personal attack is what this is, Hayner visually cringed, "Yes, nine months of absolute silence from his end!"

"You should have tagged along! He asked you to, didn’t he?" Clearly annoyed, Olette pinched the bridge of her nose and cleared her throat, "In the end, you realize this is your fault, don't you?"

Arching an eyebrow, Hayner  **tried**  his best to keep his growing irritation under wraps, "I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to! Or it'll continue eating you up!" Olette argued.

"Nothing is  **EATING ME**  up! It's fine! I'm fine!" Throwing his arms in the air (and later behind his head), Hayner stomped away from the couch, "Whatever, I'm out. See you tomorrow."

Quickly, he slipped past the gate, down the trashed filled alleyway, until he was as far away from Olette's big worried eyes as he possibly could be.

Somewhere past his rage and hurt, Olette's words ring true.

He  **knows**  he's over reacting, he  **knows**  it is his fault and he  **knows**  he needs to dig past his resentment in order to forgive and forget and leave a silly heartbreak he didn't care to deal with in the dust.

Yes, he's well aware of his faults and how at the end of the day it boiled down to his  _set-in-stone_ stubbornness—Seifer wasn't at blame, at least, not entirely.

Seifer had asked him to join his stupid little quest, and Hayner…

Well…Hayner had other priorities in heart and in mind.

 _Here_ …They stood  _here—_ _Where your shitty old bike rests— '_ The rusty, broken thing forgotten and lost under unruly lakes of grass.

Digging the end of a stick into an anthill, Hayner punched holes in the wet mounds of dirt while Seifer hovered close by.

"We could figure it out together and come back stronger than ever," Nose deep in the arm of his hoodie, Seifer's eyes flickered from the stream of frantic ants crawling towards safety, to Hayner's pouty expression, "Don't tell me you're too chicken to try?"  

"It ain't about that," Hayner momentarily stopped his violent  _pick-this-anthill-to-the-ground_  rampage and with his thumb squished a few stray bugs caught on the laces of his red shoes,  "If you're  **SERIOUSLY**  implying I'm scared, we both know, it ain't that."

"Then what is it Chickie?" Seifer pressed on.

"You'll laugh." A childish but threatening reply.

 _Only Hayner could pull that off_ , Seifer thought, "Probably. Tell me anyways."

"No."

"Fine!" Seifer scoffed, "I'll  **try**  not to laugh."

Side eyeing the boy, Hayner groaned and stuck out his tongue when he caught sight of Seifer's arrogant grin.

Knowing an  _I'll Try_  was as good as it would EVER get, Hayner pushed his embarrassment aside:

"I'm waiting on someone."

Seifer's expression twisted into something ugly and wild like the beady, bright yellow eyes of an animal who lurks in pure darkness…It's only visible for a few seconds because within the blink of an eye, Seifer's face is completely blank, "You…met someone else?"

Hayner, who missed Seifer's initial reaction, shook his head and dug the stick further into the miniature hill, only satisfied when the pile of dirt caved inwards, "No. Of course not. I'm waiting for…Someone I haven’t met yet."

"Right…" Picking himself off the floor, Seifer stuffed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, nearly using the large jacket as a way to shrink down and away from Hayner's hurtful confession.

Oblivious to his surroundings, Hayner sighed and continued burning the earth to the ground with gasoline soaked words, "I can't leave Twilight Town when…" Strands of golden hair wrap around mud caked fingers, "Something tells me I need to stay."

"You sound so fucking stupid…At least I know what I'm chasing after, but you're…Waiting on a hunch?"

"It's not a stinkin' hunch! It's  **way**  more than that! I keep having dreams about him! And—"

"Him?" Seifer interrupted with a spiteful hitch in his tone.

"Y-yeah…There's this boy I  **think**  I've met before, he keeps showing up in really fucked up dreams of mine and I know, I  **know**  this will sound  _ **FUCKING**_  weird but I swear, with each dream he becomes more real." Quickly, Hayner shook his head, " He  **IS**  real, he's as real as I've made him." Shooting to his feet, Hayner jammed a finger against Seifer's chest, "You can stand there and mock me but I know he'll eventually show up!"

Swatting Hayner's filthy hand away, Seifer's voice is a soft growl, "Alright, alright, I get it. You're waiting for Prince Charming."

"No, no, no, that's not who he is! He's just…"

"Special?" Seifer sullenly offered.

A couple of rapid blinks and a twitch of a smile (really, Seifer's heart  **ACHES**  and  **BREAKS**  at the sight) Hayner nodded, "Yes! That's it, he's special."

"Someone special…I get it." Seifer spoke into the fabric of his hood, brow furrowed and strained.

Maybe it’s the dull sound of Seifer's words, maybe it’s the way he hides behind the sleeve of his jacket, maybe it's the way his cobalt baby blues shift nervously from Hayner's smile to the puddle of water besides his left boot or maybe it's the way Seifer awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and choked on his own resentful laughter, "Well, it’s not like we were ever official."

Oh— Hayner's heartbeat is a lump in his throat.

"No…I guess we weren't."

A couple of dumb teenagers: One with the weight of the world on the crown of his head, the other with the sun trapped in the depths of his mouth.

Throughout the years, Hayner discovers Seifer isn't as mysterious, cool and collected as everyone seems to think he is. He's flesh and bone: only human.

There's a reason why Fuu and Rai would abandon their own circle of friends and family for Seifer, there's a reason why doe-eyed children seek Seifer out when their lower lips tremble with fear, there's a reason why the citizen's of Twilight Town put their trust in Seifer Almasy— Hayner has met the good and the bad; marked the bad as his opponent and pushed the good in a hollow grave where anything past the hint of rivalry goes to die.

Vulnerability doesn't quite suit Seifer but in the moment, Hayner thinks, it's a breath of fresh air.

One after the other, his walls crumble and Hayner is left wide-eyed at the sight of a Seifer whose heart is much too big for his body.  Really, it's temporary, a fleeting moment, one Hayner will burn to the back of his palms and think back on when he's curled up in bed beating himself up for making the wrong choice.

Just a couple of dumb teenagers unable to put meaning or a voice behind the web of feelings buried deep in the caverns of their chests.

It's easier to pretend they're impossible to solve. It's easier to say they're broken sweethearts, doomed to fall apart, destined to demise. 

These walls are paper thin and everyone here hears every little sound, every little thing, every little:

_ They're so bad for each other. _

_ Is all they do fight? _

_ Are they dating? I hope not...Seems like they'd drive each other crazy! _

~~_ Hey Seifer, after you find the eye in the sky, maybe you can tell it to mind its fucking business. _ ~~

It gets easier.

"If by the time I come back he's still not here, you know I'll make fun of you, right?"

Hayner's head falls to the side and his eyes are half moons, and that's a sight Seifer will burn to the back of his palms...

"I know…He'll be here by then."

"For your sake I hope he is."

_ Meet me here, where your shitty old bike rests and stand where I stood...Find my footprints and stand where I stood, got it? _

_ ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★ _

The boy named Silence dances across Hayner's dreams like a bird without a home. 

_ ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★ _

"Your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes." Sora noted as he tapped his fingers against the buckle of his belt, "Did something happen?"

Startled by Sora's brute honesty, Hayner struggled to come up with a proper reply, "I..Uh…Sorry?"

"And you sound softer, are you sick?" The cheerfulness and buoyancy of Sora's nature is always difficult to swallow for someone as closed-off as Hayner, so when Sora shoves his hands against Hayner's face and scoops his cheeks into his palms, Hayner's skin glows a bright red.

"Sora, really, I'm fine.  You're imagining things."

With a doubtful hum, Sora stepped back and was quickly swept away in a wave of conversation revolving around Pence and Olette.

True, this dusty little town is a tad lame and bland without Seifer Almasy.

Hayner doesn’t Struggle as often, he no longer has a reason to yell empty threats at the top of his lungs. With no one to tease and explode into fireworks with…He does feel a tiny bit empty.

When heartless (because that's what Sora had called them two years ago) bubble from the floors and walls, Hayner knows it won’t be long before Twilight Town is overtaken by Sora's bright and comforting radiance. The odd creatures seem to increase in numbers when Sora is near... Right on queue, the happy-go-lucky hero shows up with a keyblade in his grip and a blinding smile, powerful enough to stop the waves of heartless in their tracks.

Hayner bleeds and bleeds and bleeds; In the back of his aching brain, he pictures Seifer's brave and proud smirk, the over-confident spark in his eyes, and the gunshot of a laugh only someone as arrogant as Seifer could muster. Except there's no Seifer, only Sora who beams and cheers and throws his fist in the air when he takes down the tsunami of darkness chasing after his friends.

Where his soul should be, there's a painful, painful wound.

The cut sprouts rivers of glitter, it's made of plastic and rubber, and oh so very slowly, like a black hole, it inhales bits and pieces of Hayner's personality.

The ever-glowing flare in the pit of his belly, the flash of fire in the base of his heart, watch it flicker, watch it dim and die down to a spot _—_  A blind spot in the sun, Hayner finds it  _here_ , on the inside of his body, on the underside of his left lung, not... **There** , where Seifer is, he'll never find it there.

Embarrassed by Sora's accurate guess, Hayner makes a silent vow: _I'll try harder, this isn't who I am! I don't mope and groan over someone whose lost in outer space! Look at me Seifer, I'm blinding! Can you spot me from your spaceship? I bet you can! Look at me shine, look at me go!_

The next time Sora hooked an arm around Hayner's, he is prepared for the sudden intrusion, because (you see) it gets easier, it DOES get easier, the earth moves forward with time in a box and his hurt turns into the sting of a distant memory, or at least, it will morph into something lighter the moment he decides to let go of his anger. 

Soon...That's the next step, one he's ready to take.

He refuses (he simply  **will**  put up a fight!) to mourn!

That's not him, he's not weak and he certainly doesn’t need anyone to hold his head when he's already so high up in the clouds!

A silly wide smile tugged at his lips when Sora leaned in closer and then, it happens _—_

"This is Roxas…He used to live here." Sora explained as he pulled a single photo from his pocket.

** Roxas. **

_ Roxas… _

Hayner breathed in the name,  **HIS**  name, and one by one the blind spots in his heart are set on fire.

How he shines so bright at the mention of a boy Hayner fell in love with through blurred dreams.

Once the photo is in his hands, he can't help the way his silly little smile turned into something softer, something more powerful...Something Hayner has seen and felt before...

"Roxas…" Hayner's voice sang.

The urge to dig his nails into his own arm and twist the skin until he wakes up and shoots out of bed is rather overwhelming but...This is real.

He isn't dreaming.

The boy with the ocean in his eyes and the sea in his mouth, the boy Hayner pressed close to his chest in dreams where they shared the same sheets and pillows..Under the same breath, a shared kissed, a shared laugh...Lingering touches and the frantic beat of his poor little heart, already hanging by a thread above Roxas' out stretched fingers.

Hayner could burst in giggles, lost in the smile of a boy stuck in a photograph:

Roxas is  _here_...

_Here._

"Sora, let us help you find Roxas."

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize for my rushed writing but i really wanted to get this out as soon as i finished kh3, especially after i noted hayner's voice is much softer in kh3 and then a friend linked me to a twitter post: hayner has a different VA in kh3! that's why he doesn't sound the same and THEN one of my mutuals was like "what if hayner sounds so soft cause seifer isn't around anymore?" and the rest is here...here...HERE!


End file.
